Saturday, March 3, 2012

Wow.. time flies when you are having fun.. and even when you aren't!

So it has been awhile since I blogged.  Alot has happened... Hannah started her senior year, Bekah started 8th grade, I started a second part time job teaching chemistry, we had Christmas and new year.. now here it is March 2012! 

What is new with us you say?  Well just about everything.  We are in a season of heartache, transition and uncertainty.

Things at church have been not very fun for awhile.  Finances of the church, people leaving, people saying hurtful things.. . The church is not thriving.  Not able to meet it's financial obligations. Not able to keep going. We thought it was going to pull out of the nose dive, and just when we thought it had, there was more "stuff" that happened and it became clear that our church, the one we had been faithfully serving for 20 years, the one whose members are our family, the one that we are not sure how to go on without, is closing.  So as of April 1st, Tim is out of work.  We will probably have to move out of the area.. the only home our kids have ever known.  It has not been an easy season for us.  There are MANY unknowns... like where we will live, what if Tim can't find another position, what we will be doing, who will we be ministering to...  but even with the many unknowns, there are a few knowns too:  We KNOW that God will take care of us.  He knows what we need, He knows who we are, He loves us.  Also, we KNOW that we have each other.  We have our family.. we have our faithful friends, we have people who love us.  We know that as difficult as this will be, we will look back and be able to see God's hand all over it.  The next few weeks I am sure will be full of heartache.. how do you watch something that you put so much love into shut it's doors?  I am worried about my kids.. worried about their emotional well being.. worried that this will turn them off of "Church".. worried that they will be forever scared by this.  But I know that God sees my kids too.  He loves them, He wants them to thrive.  I know that whatever happens to us, there will be some good things to hold onto.  But until then, we will have to face the heartache.  We will have to face the change.  We will have to endure the pain. We will have to shed the tears (believe me, there have been more tears this year than in my previous 48 years put together!)  We will have to trust God more and more.  I have loved living here.  I have become a Californian..a Santa Marian... I can't imagine living anywhere else... but i will.  I will go where God takes us.  I have a plan in my mind of where I would like to go.. but I am waiting on God to show  where HE wants us.  I am sorry if this is rambling.. I have just had a need to express what I am feeling.  I have people I can talk to, but it is hard to get the point across when you are sobbing.  Typing it out helps me process it. I know that we will survive this.. God will bring us through it.  I am looking forward to when I can blog about that!